Due to an administrative oversight last Sunday's dental appointment was cancelled without notice. This week the pink-glitter-guitar wielding Stroppybird has bravely volunteered for some root canal work. Stroppy insisted that if she were submit to the treatment, it is only fair that I should answer my own stupid-arsed questions. Answers on the back of an envelope appearing at Stroppyblog presently.

How do you get up in the morning? Assisted by a large entourage of servants who put toothpaste on my toothbrush, pour me a glass of Bollie and peel me some grapes, polish up my DMs and lay out my fishnets for a day of blogging and hopefully some decadent and degenerate behaviour.

What will you wear to storm the Winter Palace? Well it would have to include my fishnets and DMs. Oh and if I have some warning then newly bleached hair accessorised by red lipstick. A look I have no intention of growing out of.

What is you favourite pizza topping? Some sort of combination of mozzarella, spinach, peppers, olives, anchovies and sundried tomatoes, oh and a bottle of JD on the side.

Luxemburg or Lenin? Neither - Punchie, our Dear Leader and the only real revolutionary!!

Haggis or jellied eels? Well as someone with Scottish parents, then haggis, but veggie.

Do you think Harry's Place has already passed its best point, or is the best yet to come? Can’t be arsed with wading through 100s of comments by people making up names and talking crap.

Red or blue? Shallow again, red lipstick and bright pink guitar.

What do you think is the main threat to George Galloway's/Tommy Sheridan's/Robert Kilroy-Silk's permatan? A spell behind bars perhaps.

North or South? Live in the South but am probably more of a northern personality, dour Scottish blood. Not one for hot sunny cheery weather.

Beer or wine? When it comes to alcohol I’m not that picky, but can’t stand beer. JD, red wine and Bollie (but not all at once, even for me).

If you could have three people shot, who would they be? Paddy the Puritan. Three times. Just to be certain.

Further patient histories are available here.