Today's patient is the curiously monickered - for a man who seems to hate dogs even more than me - Snoopy the Goon, a senior Elder of an international conspiracy, who was only recently permitted to leak the truth about Ernesto Guevara. Further details are hazy and almost everything you think you know is almost certainly untrue.

How do you get up in the morning? Slow, wretched, hating the whole world.

What will you wear to storm the Winter Palace? Naked from the waist up, with a Russian flag (the Czar's tricolor, to spite Will).

What is you favourite pizza topping? Anchovy, mushrooms, tomatoes.

Luxemburg or Lenin? Luxemburg, I guess.

Haggis or jellied eels? Ham.

Do you think Harry's Place has already passed its best point, or is the best yet to come? Passed with occasional signs of hope for the future not to come.

Red or blue? Blue (to spite... see above).

What do you think is the main threat to George Galloway's/Tommy Sheridan's/Robert Kilroy-Silk's/Bibi's permatan? If it is the Bibi I know, then Bibi.

North or South? Equator. Going around nekkid's my dream.

Beer or wine? Depends on the food. Sometimes both. Whiskey if available.

If you could have three people shot, who would they be? Kim the second, Fisk (let him sue me) and that neighbor harpy on the other side who hates my cat who steals stuff from her fridge.

Further patient histories are available here.